To Hell with this American Dream...

This morning, I jolted awake from a terrible dream.

You know how nightmares seem less severe as the day goes by until finally it really wasn't as scary as you saw it while trapped under closed eyes? This dream didn't subside as expected. 

It continued to replay as I brushed my teeth in the morning. I saw it again as I had my morning snack of apples and almonds. Again at lunch. Over and over again during my breaks to get more tea or use the restroom. It bothered me.

I'm not the type of person to see EVERY dream as a capsule for revelation. I honestly get annoyed with people who get wide eyed at every strange dream I present to them as they fumble with what it could mean. What it could imply. I just sit there, arms crossed, not failing to roll my eyes a few times before saying in a half sarcastic...wholly sarcastic, "it was just a dream that I had facial hair."

I'm not implying that that this dream meant anything either, but it definitely served as an awakening. A sobering reminder of the current state of our souls.

I dreamt about Hell.

Or...I thought it was Hell. It seemed pretty hellish. Maybe it wasn't Hell but it definitely was not without a creeping and overwhelming wickedness that we are used to, even in horror movies. 

My dream was a huge jumble of things. First my godfather came to stay at my place, and then there was a dinner party, and then suddenly the dinner party became a banquet at a church I used to go to. These details don't really matter and they're weird. Dreams are weird. 

What I do remember was that I wanted to see the upstairs of the church. I went into what I thought would be the youth room but instead it was a long, air conditioned, florescently lit hallway. It was a pretty sizable hallway, plenty of room to move about. The walls were yellowed with age and the ground was concrete and wet. Although it was cold, my vision was clouded with steam. There were open doorways on both sides of the hallway that led into rooms. 

I started to hear water loudly splashing on the ground. It kind of sounded like people were stomping on the ground as they were taking showers. I looked to my right and I saw a large chalkboard. It stretched from the floor to the ceiling with big bold lettering. The writing on the chalkboard was formatted in steps. I don't remember much. I just remember three steps sticking out.

Step 1) Make it quick so they die quickly

Step 2) Make it hot so they die quickly

Step 3) Actually, they'll never die.

Next, I heard a scream. I heard a girl pleading why boiling water was being poured onto her. Her punisher screamed back at her, listing out her sins and the splashing continued. 

I began to realize each room was a place of torment where people's arms were chained to hang above their heads as hot, scalding water was splashed upon them. They were paying for their sins. 

It was terrifying. The screams and the evil and darkness I felt while I was in there...gosh. Can't unsee it. Can't unfeel it. 

I'm not sure how no one saw me...maybe they didn't care. I ran really fast out of there and ran downstairs where the banquet was still being held. And then I woke up.

Was it Hell? Was it just a torture chamber full of crazed psychotic sadists? Idk. 

To me what shook me the most was that there is, indeed, a place more evil, more dark, with more people that exists after our bodies stop breathing. And that "Actually, they'll never die." is a true statement. 

Maybe it was representative of something. Maybe it being at church meant something.

To me, I interpret it to say that within our church walls, there are people who are headed straight for hell but we are so blinded to our dinner parties, our banquets, our festivities and hopes and dreams and aspirations to see the desperate need of our friends to hear the gospel and to know of hope.

Each of us has a room in Hell reserved for all of us with our names on it. We damned ourselves there because we have sinned. But by His AMAZING GRACE, and perfect sacrifice he has stolen our names from hell and placed them on seats of honor next to Christ so that we can spend an eternity basking in His love, worshipping Him forever.

First, that reality is amazing. It truly is. But second, there are some people...a LOT of people who are still Hell bound. And where is my sense of urgency? Why do I go through each day seeking to satisfy my desires while the Kingdom of Heaven is (from what I see) not increasing through me. Why am I not weeping at the final destination of some of my friends if they were to be gone today?

I'm so blinded by my desires. My fantasies. My need to be validated by others and my striving for a good life. I'm wasting time. I need to see with eternities eyes.

9/20/18